I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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