remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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