Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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