I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
