I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
