i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
