the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
