I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
