Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
