would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
