this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
