Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Randomize
