i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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