My room smells like vodka and shame
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
