Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
it's great music for shaving your balls
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
