I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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