You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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