I am puke
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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