Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
