Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize