Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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