My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Sext me about skeletons
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
