I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
