I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
