Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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