My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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