That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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