Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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