I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Houston, we have a blender
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
