I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
