He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
