It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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