They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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