Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
