Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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