I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
