yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
