I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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