I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
