i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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