When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
