You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize