U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
