Just mADE A PArabola og urine
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
