After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
