i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
