I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
