So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
