i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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