Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
