i was born a porn star she said
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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