I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
