Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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