Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
