That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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