I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
