U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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