I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
