I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize