i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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