You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize