Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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