I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
