I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
