I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
