is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
