i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
