I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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