i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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