How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
