Michael Bay diarrhea
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
as a side note pls kill me
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
