Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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