her vagine was all disorganized.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
