I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
