this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
