Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
