I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
