Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
