if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Pappa wants mamma naked
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
