I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
