Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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