I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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