I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The Olympian is in my bed
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
